Chaplain, get me my uniform!
It’s around this hospital somewhere.
For once in your life, succeed at something.’
The chaplain straightened his shoulders with determination and tightened his jaw.
‘Don’t worry, Yossarian.
I’ll get your uniform.
But why was that girl hitting Orr over the head with her shoe? Please tell me.’
‘Because he was paying her to, that’s why!
But she wouldn’t hit him hard enough, so he had to row to Sweden.
Chaplain, find me my uniform so I can get out of here.
Ask Nurse Duckett for it.
She’ll help you.
She’ll do anything she can to be rid of me.’
‘Where are you going?’ Major Danby asked apprehensively when the chaplain had shot from the room.
‘What are you going to do?’
‘I’m going to run away,’ Yossarian announced in an exuberant, clear voice, already tearing open the buttons of his pajama tops.
‘Oh, no,’ Major Danby groaned, and began patting his perspiring face rapidly with the bare palms of both hands.
‘You can’t run away.
Where can you run to?
Where can you go?’
‘To Sweden.’
‘To Sweden?’ Major Danby exclaimed in astonishment.
‘You’re going to run to Sweden?
Are you crazy?’
‘Orr did it.’
‘Oh, no, no, no, no, no,’ Major Danby pleaded.
‘No, Yossarian, you’ll never get there.
You can’t run away to Sweden.
You can’t even row.’
‘But I can get to Rome if you’ll keep your mouth shut when you leave here and give me a chance to catch a ride.
Will you do it?’
‘But they’ll find you,’ Major Danby argued desperately, ‘and bring you back and punish you even more severely.’
‘They’ll have to try like hell to catch me this time.’
‘They will try like hell.
And even if they don’t find you, what kind of way is that to live?
You’ll always be alone. No one will ever be on your side, and you’ll always live in danger of betrayal.’
‘I live that way now.’
‘But you can’t just turn your back on all your responsibilities and run away from them,’ Major Danby insisted.
‘It’s such a negative move.
It’s escapist.’
Yossarian laughed with buoyant scorn and shook his head.
‘I’m not running away from my responsibilities.
I’m running to them.
There’s nothing negative about running away to save my life.
You know who the escapists are, don’t you, Danby? Not me and Orr.’
‘Chaplain, please talk to him, will you?
He’s deserting.
He wants to run away to Sweden.’
‘Wonderful!’ cheered the chaplain, proudly throwing on the bed a pillowcase full of Yossarian’s clothing.
‘Run away to Sweden, Yossarian.