‘But they’re getting all the fame and opportunity,’ Milo persisted with a petulance that bordered on sniveling.
‘Sir, I want to get in there and fight like the rest of the fellows.
That’s what I’m here for.
I want to win medals, too.’
‘Yes, Milo, of course.
We all want to spend more time in combat.
But people like you and me serve in different ways.
Look at my own record,’ Colonel Cathcart uttered a deprecatory laugh.
‘I’ll bet it’s not generally known, Milo, that I myself have flown only four missions, is it?’
‘No, sir,’ Milo replied.
‘It’s generally known that you’ve flown only two missions.
And that one of those occurred when Aarfy accidentally flew you over enemy territory while navigating you to Naples for a black-market water cooler.’
Colonel Cathcart, flushing with embarrassment, abandoned all further argument.
‘All right, Milo. I can’t praise you enough for what you want to do.
If it really means so much to you, I’ll have Major Major assign you to the next sixty-four missions so that you can have seventy, too.’
‘Thank you, Colonel, thank you, sir.
You don’t know what this means.’
‘Don’t mention it, Milo. I know exactly what it means.’
‘No, Colonel, I don’t think you do know what it means,’ Milo disagreed pointedly.
‘Someone will have to begin running the syndicate for me right away.
It’s very complicated, and I might get shot down at any time.’
Colonel Cathcart brightened instantly at the thought and began rubbing his hands with avaricious zest.
‘You know, Milo, I think Colonel Korn and I might be willing to take the syndicate off your hands,’ he suggested in an offhand manner, almost licking his lips in savory anticipation.
‘Our experience in black-market plum tomatoes should come in very useful.
Where do we begin?’
Milo watched Colonel Cathcart steadily with a bland and guileless expression.
‘Thank you, sir, that’s very good of you.
Begin with a salt-free diet for General Peckem and a fat-free diet for General Dreedle.’
‘Let me get a pencil.
What’s next?’
‘The cedars.’
‘Cedars?’
‘From Lebanon.’ ‘ Lebanon?’
‘We’ve got cedars from Lebanon due at the sawmill in Oslo to be turned into shingles for the builder in Cape Cod.
C.O.D.
And then there’s the peas.’
‘Peas?’
‘That are on the high seas.
We’ve got boatloads of peas that are on the high seas from Atlanta to Holland to pay for the tulips that were shipped to Geneva to pay for the cheeses that must go to Vienna M.I.F.’
‘M.I.F.?’
‘Money in Front.
The Hapsburgs are shaky.’ ‘ Milo.’
‘And don’t forget the galvanized zinc in the warehouse at Flint.
Four carloads of galvanized zinc from Flint must be flown to the smelters in Damascus by noon of the eighteenth, terms F.O.B.
Calcutta two per cent ten days E.O.M. One Messerschmitt full of hemp is due in Belgrade for a C-47 and a half full of those semi-pitted dates we stuck them with from Khartoum.
Use the money from the Portuguese anchovies we’re selling back to Lisbon to pay for the Egyptian cotton we’ve got coming back to us from Mamaroneck and to pick up as many oranges as you can in Spain.
Always pay cash for naranjas.’
‘Naranjas?’
‘That’s what they call oranges in Spain, and these are Spanish oranges.
And—oh, yes. Don’t forget Piltdown Man.’ ‘Piltdown Man?’