If you want to cook eggs or soup, all you’ll have to do is set the pot down here and turn the fire up.’
‘What do you mean, me?’ Yossarian wanted to know.
‘Where are you going to be?’
Orr’s stunted torso shook suddenly with a muffled spasm of amusement.
‘I don’t know,’ he exclaimed, and a weird, wavering giggle gushed out suddenly through his chattering buck teeth like an exploding jet of emotion.
He was still laughing when he continued, and his voice was clogged with saliva.
‘If they keep on shooting me down this way, I don’t know where I’m going to be.’
Yossarian was moved.
‘Why don’t you try to stop flying, Orr?
You’ve got an excuse.’
‘I’ve only got eighteen missions.’
‘But you’ve been shot down on almost every one. You’re either ditching or crash-landing every time you go up.’
‘Oh, I don’t mind flying missions.
I guess they’re lots of fun.
You ought to try flying a few with me when you’re not flying lead.
Just for laughs.
Tee-hee.’ Orr gazed up at Yossarian through the corners of his eyes with a look of pointed mirth.
Yossarian avoided his stare.
‘They’ve got me flying lead again.’
‘When you’re not flying lead.
If you had any brains, do you know what you’d do?
You’d go right to Piltchard and Wren and tell them you want to fly with me.’
‘And get shot down with you every time you go up?
What’s the fun in that?’
‘That’s just why you ought to do it,’ Orr insisted.
‘I guess I’m just about the best pilot around now when it comes to ditching or making crash landings.
It would be good practice for you.’
‘Good practice for what?’
‘Good practice in case you ever have to ditch or make a crash landing.
Tee-hee-hee.’
‘Have you got another bottle of beer for me?’ Yossarian asked morosely.
‘Do you want to bust it down on my head?’
This time Yossarian did laugh.
‘Like that whore in that apartment in Rome?’
Orr sniggered lewdly, his bulging crab apple cheeks blowing outward with pleasure.
‘Do you really want to know why she was hitting me over the head with her shoe?’ he teased.
‘I do know,’ Yossarian teased back.
‘Nately’s whore told me.’
Orr grinned like a gargoyle.
‘No she didn’t.’
Yossarian felt sorry for Orr.
Orr was so small and ugly.
Who would protect him if he lived?
Who would protect a warm-hearted, simple-minded gnome like Orr from rowdies and cliques and from expert athletes like Appleby who had flies in their eyes and would walk right over him with swaggering conceit and self-assurance every chance they got?
Yossarian worried frequently about Orr.
Who would shield him against animosity and deceit, against people with ambition and the embittered snobbery of the big shot’s wife, against the squalid, corrupting indignities of the profit motive and the friendly neighborhood butcher with inferior meat?
Orr was a happy and unsuspecting simpleton with a thick mass of wavy polychromatic hair parted down the center. He would be mere child’s play for them.
They would take his money, screw his wife and show no kindness to his children.
Yossarian felt a flood of compassion sweep over him.
Orr was an eccentric midget, a freakish, likable dwarf with a smutty mind and a thousand valuable skills that would keep him in a low income group all his life.