It put to her also, doubtless, his own tone, too many things, this at least would have been the case hadn't his final challenge directly helped her.
Everything, at the stage they had reached, directly helped her, because everything betrayed in him such a basis of intention.
He saw—the odd way things came out!—that he would have been held less monstrous had he only been a little wilder.
What exposed him was just his poor old trick of quiet inwardness, what exposed him was his THINKING such offence.
He hadn't in the least however the desire to irritate that Sarah imputed to him, and he could only at last temporise, for the moment, with her indignant view.
She was altogether more inflamed than he had expected, and he would probably understand this better when he should learn what had occurred for her with Chad.
Till then her view of his particular blackness, her clear surprise at his not clutching the pole she held out, must pass as extravagant.
"I leave you to flatter yourself," she returned, "that what you speak of is what YOU'VE beautifully done.
When a thing has been already described in such a lovely way—!"
But she caught herself up, and her comment on his description rang out sufficiently loud.
"Do you consider her even an apology for a decent woman?"
Ah there it was at last!
She put the matter more crudely than, for his own mixed purposes, he had yet had to do; but essentially it was all one matter.
It was so much—so much; and she treated it, poor lady, as so little.
He grew conscious, as he was now apt to do, of a strange smile, and the next moment he found himself talking like Miss Barrace.
"She has struck me from the first as wonderful.
I've been thinking too moreover that, after all, she would probably have represented even for yourself something rather new and rather good."
He was to have given Mrs. Pocock with this, however, but her best opportunity for a sound of derision.
"Rather new?
I hope so with all my heart!"
"I mean," he explained, "that she might have affected you by her exquisite amiability—a real revelation, it has seemed to myself; her high rarity, her distinction of every sort."
He had been, with these words, consciously a little "precious"; but he had had to be—he couldn't give her the truth of the case without them; and it seemed to him moreover now that he didn't care.
He had at all events not served his cause, for she sprang at its exposed side.
"A 'revelation'—to ME: I've come to such a woman for a revelation?
You talk to me about 'distinction'—YOU, you who've had your privilege?—when the most distinguished woman we shall either of us have seen in this world sits there insulted, in her loneliness, by your incredible comparison!"
Strether forbore, with an effort, from straying; but he looked all about him.
"Does your mother herself make the point that she sits insulted?"
Sarah's answer came so straight, so "pat," as might have been said, that he felt on the instant its origin.
"She has confided to my judgement and my tenderness the expression of her personal sense of everything, and the assertion of her personal dignity."
They were the very words of the lady of Woollett—he would have known them in a thousand; her parting charge to her child.
Mrs. Pocock accordingly spoke to this extent by book, and the fact immensely moved him.
"If she does really feel as you say it's of course very very dreadful.
I've given sufficient proof, one would have thought," he added, "of my deep admiration for Mrs. Newsome."
"And pray what proof would one have thought you'd CALL sufficient?
That of thinking this person here so far superior to her?"
He wondered again; he waited.
"Ah dear Sarah, you must LEAVE me this person here!"
In his desire to avoid all vulgar retorts, to show how, even perversely, he clung to his rag of reason, he had softly almost wailed this plea.
Yet he knew it to be perhaps the most positive declaration he had ever made in his life, and his visitor's reception of it virtually gave it that importance.
"That's exactly what I'm delighted to do.
God knows WE don't want her!
You take good care not to meet," she observed in a still higher key, "my question about their life.
If you do consider it a thing one can even SPEAK of, I congratulate you on your taste!"
The life she alluded to was of course Chad's and Madame de Vionnet's, which she thus bracketed together in a way that made him wince a little; there being nothing for him but to take home her full intention.
It was none the less his inconsequence that while he had himself been enjoying for weeks the view of the brilliant woman's specific action, he just suffered from any characterisation of it by other lips.
"I think tremendously well of her, at the same time that I seem to feel her 'life' to be really none of my business.
It's my business, that is, only so far as Chad's own life is affected by it; and what has happened, don't you see? is that Chad's has been affected so beautifully.
The proof of the pudding's in the eating"—he tried, with no great success, to help it out with a touch of pleasantry, while she let him go on as if to sink and sink. He went on however well enough, as well as he could do without fresh counsel; he indeed shouldn't stand quite firm, he felt, till he should have re-established his communications with Chad.
Still, he could always speak for the woman he had so definitely promised to "save."
This wasn't quite for her the air of salvation; but as that chill fairly deepened what did it become but a reminder that one might at the worst perish WITH her?